I don't know if I've mentioned this previously, but before I knew Gili had CMV, I still had this feeling that she was different. Like her place in this world was less secure. She was smaller, more delicate, and less aware than my older children. I was thinking about it again today. People say that children are a gift, but really, they are a loan. There is an idea that people with special challenges like handicaps. poverty (or wealth), or other unique circumstances were put in that situation on earth for a reason, like to make up for something their soul did in a previous life. Once in a while I wonder if Gili's soul was given CMV as a challenge, but right now she seems so happy, I wonder if she will ever really feel the burden of her disabilities.
The main thing I was thinking today was how honored I am that G-d loaned me this special soul. I was thinking this while I was writing Gili's name on her car seat and on her towel for water therapy tomorrow. I want to write my name all over her to say she belongs to me, bring her back to my arms as soon as possible! But I'm just so happy to have her on loan. I was thinking this again when I was covering her in good night kisses and backing out of the room while observing my three peaceful children. All life is precious, and you never know what could happen tomorrow, but I feel like the terms of Gili's loan are still more uncertain. I'm just so grateful for any time we have together. I hope we are walking hand in hand when I am 100!