I don't know if I've mentioned this previously, but before I knew Gili had CMV, I still had this feeling that she was different. Like her place in this world was less secure. She was smaller, more delicate, and less aware than my older children. I was thinking about it again today. People say that children are a gift, but really, they are a loan. There is an idea that people with special challenges like handicaps. poverty (or wealth), or other unique circumstances were put in that situation on earth for a reason, like to make up for something their soul did in a previous life. Once in a while I wonder if Gili's soul was given CMV as a challenge, but right now she seems so happy, I wonder if she will ever really feel the burden of her disabilities.
The main thing I was thinking today was how honored I am that G-d loaned me this special soul. I was thinking this while I was writing Gili's name on her car seat and on her towel for water therapy tomorrow. I want to write my name all over her to say she belongs to me, bring her back to my arms as soon as possible! But I'm just so happy to have her on loan. I was thinking this again when I was covering her in good night kisses and backing out of the room while observing my three peaceful children. All life is precious, and you never know what could happen tomorrow, but I feel like the terms of Gili's loan are still more uncertain. I'm just so grateful for any time we have together. I hope we are walking hand in hand when I am 100!
Thank you for your post. I think all of us parents need to be reminded that our children are all special gifts from G-d that are on loan to us for way too short. Thanks for reminding me!
ReplyDeleteBig Bro's teacher was telling me today how good it is that Gili is in a special school. She was telling me about her special 18-year-old son. He plays the piano. She was telling me how important it is because they are such high souls and we don't completely know how to deal with their needs, but they can express themselves through the arts.
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